You are Mine (Forever and Ever)

I really enjoyed seeing his face while he is sleeping. It is like a newborn’s face, so pure and innocent, with a pillow mark on his cheek.

            It was 6 AM, and I must leave soon to the college. I had been really excited and nervous for today,  the day the final grade for my sculpting task is released. I was so nervous that my hands got sweaty, my stomach twisted in knots, and my heart felt it like it wanted to burst out of my chest. Such a torture.

            “Babe, wake up. I’m leaving. Don’t you have a morning class too?”

            “Yea...wait a sec, Monkeyface....I’m waking up.”

            I am already familiar with his habits. After he said that, he surely would go back to sleep. Apparently he is exhausted after working on his final paper last night. Well, never mind then.

            An hour later, I prepared for the journey to college, which will take about half an hour. I kissed the forehead of Iggy, my sleeping boyfriend. “Babe, I put your breakfast on the table. Don’t forget to eat it.”

            He merely grunted as a reply. 

***

            Ever since I was left by my parents seven years ago, I have been living by myself. I have no siblings, although occasionally my uncle and aunt come visiting just to make sure that their niece is still alive. At first, I lived with them, but then I decided to live in my parents’ former house because I wanted more privacy. Although I had to engage in a long debate against them, eventually they allowed me to live alone after I had proven how I can make a living for my myself by selling my art work and working as a cafe singer.

            I have to admit that sometimes I felt lonely. Fortunately, there is Iggy in my life. He visited me almost every day, and sometimes even slept in my house. It is kind of a funny story how the two of us met: it was in an art exhibition held in Jakarta. At that time, we accidentally ended up in front of an abstract statue made of gypsum. I saw him scratching his chin in confusion, and I spontaneously decided to start a conversation.

            “This is meant to represent a bind.”

            “Oh? How did you know that?”

               

            “Well, it’s there on the plaque.”

            His face reddened, and right after that moment we introduced ourselves. Then, slowly we got close. Despite that, it takes a year until I finally agreed to officially be in a relationship with him. Well, it is really tough for me to fall in love and I don’t want to commit in this kind of thing until I’m extremely sure that I do have special feelings for someone.

***

            Tonight, Iggy gave me a special treat by preparing a romantic dinner in my house. He is an excellent cook, one of the reasons why I fell for him. His hands move very nimbly as he peeled off onions, stirred the vegetables, and accurately measured the salt, pepper and other such seasonings without having to use any measuring tools. It is really amazing, like watching a world-famous chef in action.

            Our dinner was accompanied by a pair of flickering candles, while the light around the dinner table is deliberately dimmed. It was such a romantic dinner, and I was in a really great mood after earlier today I found out I got the highest score among the class for the final sculpting test. Iggy was also very proud of me. He often said that I am very talented and that I should apply for a master’s thesis abroad.

                After we finished our dinner, we sit on the lounge while watching the telly. We joke around, and occasionally he kissed me on my forehead and cheek. However, I often saw him staring at the door into a certain chamber that I always locked. I don’t want anyone entering that chamber. Whenever Iggy asked, I always explained that the chamber is my private art studio where I kept my most precious works—the ones that I will never sell.

            “Babe, why did you keep looking there?”

            “No...it’s just...I’m still really curious. I have been knowing you for two years and have been your boyfriend for a year now. Why do you still have to keep that chamber a secret, Retha?”

            “Ah, my favorite cartoon’s starting. Let’s watch!”

            I always changed the subject,  avoiding Iggy’s questions about the chamber.  Iggy’s great curiosity often makes me feel uncomfortable, but I can still tolerate that because after all this time, he is really the best man for me.

***

            I sipped my warm tea in this chamber, the most sacred place in this house where nobody except myself can enter.  I sat on a red velvet armchair, which has always been my most loyal friend whenever I’m feeling blue. While enjoying the tea that has started to become cold, I appraised my precious work art: the statues made of gypsum. There  are four of them, each with their own characteristic and story.

            I chuckled as my memories came back to my high school days, and to a certain boy. His name was Jodhy, and he was really popular back then. It is not because he was in a band, basketball team, or other typical reasons. He was the most friendly boy I have ever known. He had many friends, male and female. There was a certain charisma beneath his so-so appearance. His ability to attract many students’ attention in the school had got him so many fans.

            Somehow, he was attracted to me. My question at that time was, “Why me?”

            Nevertheless, I was not immune to his mysterious charm. We eventually dated for six months, until he decided to break up. Maybe at that time he felt he still have many “back-ups”, so he does not want to spend his entire time with me. I feel betrayed, but I can’t hate him. I made his statue as a memento of our relationship, and while the end result was kind of messy—at that time I was just starting to practice sculpting—I am still proud with it.

            I turned my attention toward another statue next to Jodhy’s. This one is Marco, my former guitar tutor. He always came on time to my house, and taught me—his stupid student—with great patience. He was 30 and looked very mature. I was attracted to him at that time. There were something like electric jolts in my stomach whenever he came bringing his guitar. He always looked like a musician god straight from nirvana. I kept that feeling for two years and could never express it, as I was afraid he would reject me and leave. Very afraid. Fortunately, there is now this statue of him that I made. Marco the guitarist...I made it so that the statue is sitting while playing guitar. It is really appealing.

            My glance turned left, and there were two statues there: Jordan and Riky. My ange simmered the moment I laid eyes on those two. Heartless bastards who departed after having penetrated me. Thus, I made these two statues without penises. I hate their penises.

            I sipped the remaining of my tea, then lie down on my red velvet armchair. My thought started to wander. Then, Iggy’s face suddenly came to my mind. He is the best man who had ever entered into my life. I am really in love with him.

            My thought was interrupted by the sound of doorbell. “Must be Iggy,” I think. It turned out I forgot to lock the door and he is already in the waiting room. He saw me coming out from my secret chamber. I quickly lock it and approach him.

            “Babe, why didn’t you call before coming?”

            “I did, Monkeyface. A hundred times maybe, but you didn’t pick up.”

            “Oops sorry, I must have left it in my bedroom.”

            I’m starting to feel awkward in front of Iggy. Before he could ask me about what I was doing inside that  secret chamber, I quickly said, “Let’s have dinner outside. My treat!”

            His face immediately brightened. I let off the breath that I was holding because I’m worried if he would ask that question that I always avoid. Then, we depart.

***

            I was really tired. After spending the whole day applying for job in the city, I am finally home. I already imagined how nice it would be to have a warm bath, drink a warm tea, and sleeping under a warm blanket. Warming...

            When I reached my front door and was fumbling for my key, I noticed with a surprise that the door’s already a bit ajar. “Robber!” I thought. I immediately opened the door and reached out for the lamp switch. And when the light is on, I found myself facing a group of animals yelling happy birthday. Well, not really “animals”, but my friends wearing animal suits. There is a tiger, giraffe, and a bunch of others; the funniest one is the huge Bimo, who is wearing a gorilla suit.

            They quickly surrounded me and placed a beautiful crown made of self-arranged flowers on top of my head. I was really touched. Then, I looked around, trying to find a certain someone.

            “You’re looking for Iggy, right?” asked Sarah, my close friend, knowing right away of what I am thinking. She and the others then pushed a huge box toward me. All of sudden, Iggy leapt out from outside the box and hugged me. He was wearing a Tarzan suit and a birthday hat.

            “Happy birthday, Monkeyface!”

            I blushed. I cannot say a single word; this was really the most beautiful gift in my 23th birthday. They started to sing birthday songs and among all the cheers, I’m starting to fall into a deep thought. My eyes were locked on Iggy. I don’t want to ever lose him.

***

            My love for Iggy grew really deep. And, the deeper the love is, the bigger my fear of losing him. I started to cry. Suddenly, Iggy came inside, bringing my favorite sweet murtabak. I ran toward him and hugged him tightly.

            “What’s the matter, honey?”

           

            “I really love you, Iggy. I’m scared of losing you.”

            He wiped the tears on both my cheeks and kissed my forehead. He calmed me down. And then, we hugged each other on the bed. I laid my head on his chest. If I could, I would stop the time right now, so that I could live in this moment forever. Finally, I raised up and made some tea for both of us.

            We moved to the waiting room, turned on the television, and drank our still scalding tea. We joked around. We kissed each other. I felt warmth coursing through my entire body. A sensation that cannot be expressed in words. My tears started to fall again. Then, he suddenly clutched his head.

            “Honey...Retha. I’m feeling...a bit dizzy.”

            “Babe, are you okay? You’re fine, right? Want to rest in my room?”

            I carried him, but not to my room. Instead, I laid him down on the red velvet armchair in my secret chamber. An inspiration crossed my mind to make another art work.

            “Babe..all this time, you have been curious about this chamber. This is...my art studio.”

            I kept talking to the half-conscious Iggy. Explaining the meaning of each statue in my studio. He looked like he wanted to respond. However, he was way too weak to even open his mouth. Meanwhile, I started stirring the gypsum that I have mixed with water. A certain kind of feeling resurfaced in me. I had never feel this happy ever since I made my last statue, Riky.

***

            I carried my birthday cake. Put it on the table. And I sat on the red velvet armchair. For a while, I stared at the statue that I had created five months ago. This statue is so handsome, wearing a Tarzan suit and a birthday hat. I laughed a bit. Then, I lifted the cake and stood in front of the statue.

            Happy birthday, Iggy. You’re mine. Forever and ever.

Jakarta, 13 Juli 2012

Ika Septianasari

19 July 2012

Translated by Muhammad Yesa Aravena