The Blue Eyes

The Blue Eyes

Like the dark moon hidden behind the sparkly greyish cloud. The shimmer was all over the cold pond. Then the wind blew the greyish cloud away. You knew it was still there, watching you from above. As the day came out, it faded away, and away, and… away.

I would never know what he is doing—maybe watching a bunch of movies on his laptop, editing some short movies, shooting, traveling around, walking around the city just to find the best spot for him to find inspirations or ideas for his scripts. Maybe he is now sitting down in a park somewhere, eating his potato chips while surfing the internet for what he is currently interested in. Or maybe he is sleeping, thinking of his next project in his dream. I would never know.

I’m not complaining about the not-knowing thing. Not complaining at all. Because we are like two different creatures living in two different worlds. But they sometimes synchronize, so we can meet up for a short period of time. What a shame? No. Like a comet, it is orbiting the space and sometimes we gotta see it fly above our planet and gotta see its sparkling beauty flying through the night sky. We cannot see it anytime we want. You know. Because our planet and the comet have two different orbits. But that’s the beauty and the bliss and the enjoyment of it.

***

He was standing there at the exit way—wearing a t-shirt with horizontal stripes; his face was shiny and charming. Waiting for me to be aware of his presence while I was busy texting him—asking where he is. The fireworks were released all of sudden from inside of me when I saw him. So sparkling that I couldn’t even explain how excited I was to see him again. The same guy I met over three years ago. He lifted me. Hugged me so tightly. I almost tear up. Please never let me go.

I smelled a familiar scent on his neck. Not of perfume. His body scent. So delicate that it still lingers on my mind. My heart was about to jump out of my chest when he stared at me and asked how I am doing. As always, I got the same reaction every time his blue eyes stare at me intensively. Trying to hide my blushing cheeks, I was looking down to the ground as we were walking.

I was thinking that I always turned out to be a laughing foolish clown in front of him. Every… single… time. My IQ dropped, I couldn’t wipe away the wide smile on my face, I couldn’t speak fluently to him, even my grammar was so messed up, I couldn’t act like the normal-and-calm me. God! What is wrong with me?

His face was so shiny that for a second I thought he had some facial treatment or something. Funny. But anyhow, from what I remember, his face three years ago and it was yesterday are still the same. With the beard and mustache covering his white face, made him look like one of those princes-from-far-far-away-kingdom or the-knight-who-fight-in-a-war-of-two-kingdoms.

I was showing a blatant admiration towards him. Whatever. I don’t mind. I would never mind to show my admiration to the ones who deserve it. He is one hell of a beautiful creature on this planet.

***

As we walked and explored the Chinatown—well, it is funny because against all odds, we always end up in Chinatown, in two different countries—we held each other’s hands. I could feel that, for a man, his hand is so soft. Maybe even softer than mine. For a moment I was thinking that we would walk around the Chinatown all day long till our legs fall off again only to find a place to stay, just like we did in the Chinatown in another country. But this time was better. Praise the Lord!

Half wasted and lack of sleep on the previous night made him so tired and couldn’t do much; well, what about me? I was just tired, I am always tired. What a grandma.

***

His long-but-slim fingers fit between my fingers perfectly. Giving me a warm sensation instantly. The blood was so in rush that I was so thankful my veins didn’t burst out. Many poets would probably exaggerate their words, but not me. I am not a poet, neither am I exaggerating my words.

My fingers were traveling all over his face; finger-combing his brown hair which was shining under the dim light of the room. His red lips were so warm and soft and they even felt so fragile that if I touched them too hard, they would fall off. I like to explore his hairy face. I always do. He then opened his eyes, so suddenly that, yet again, my heart was pumping so hard to balance my sudden hormonal escalation. I tried to stare at his blue eyes for a few seconds, but my body kept telling me to look away from him. I always think that his eyes are like a very strong magnetic pole that will drag you in and electrocute you if you are too close. Such a pleasant torture.

***

Experiencing this kind of feelings makes me speechless, wordless; my tongue is numb every time I was about to say a couple of three-romantic-yet-classic-words. I love you. I miss you. It is never about that. It is beyond all of that. Well, they are always sitting on the tip of my tongue but never be able to get out. Yes, girl! You’d better suffer in silence! Never can I say it in front of his face; despite the fact that it is always easy for me to say so to other men if and when I mean it. Such a failure, you girl!

Hold on a second. Again, it is not about words. I am telling you. It is about everything beyond that. Feelings—which are quite abstract; mind—on a spiritual level where you can see that your mind is an individual substance separated from your body; brain—as an organ that controls hormones and manage how your body will react towards something; veins—the canal where your blood travels through; every single aspect of yourself conspires to unite in a chemical process in your body that makes you unable to define what it is.

***

I recognize you, one single beautiful soul. You, as well as me, are part of this universe. We mingle. We unite. Then we dissolve into one cause-and-effect chain of phenomena. It is not a primordial system. You and I might have known each other somewhere one thousand light years away.

Sometimes I think that I might have known him somewhere before this lifetime. Some people may think I am a nutcase just because I am being spiritual—not religious. The energy of the universe works in a peculiar way that nobody will find the formula of every occurrence in this world. That is one single beautiful mysterious thing. I enjoy it. So much.

***

I suddenly was craving for dimsum—Chinese steamed dumplings, some are made of pork, chicken, and others of shrimp—just because he said, “Let’s dim some light.” He has a very good sense of humor. And I liked it every time he made fun out of my funny gestures or the way I said things like “The big bang theory”. I pronounced it funny so he mimicked me in even a funnier way—too many little details that I could find funny out of him. Anyways, I failed to get dimsum that day just because we were both equally tired and just wanted to sleep in all day long. Sleepy heads.

Einstein has a theory of time relativity. It applied to me so much. The time flew so quickly that I felt like I just hugged him at the monorail exit way a couple minutes ago. All of the joy, the comfort, the serenity, and the bliss of all this would soon be gone. I never think of it as the end, though. I never will. But you know, a physical presence is always different than an imaginary or virtual one.

I didn’t expect our meeting to go this quickly. We already stood in the monorail back—I was heading to the ferry terminal, he was to the airport. Neither did I expect that I would tear up so hardly as he hugged me before he hopped off the tram. I thought it would be a casual goodbye. I thought I would have moved on from the feelings I had for him three years ago. I thought I would act differently—more calmly—when he hugged me goodbye. Right at the second he hugged me, out of the blue, I cried. I tear up a waterfall. I was embarrassed as the people in the tram were staring at me. Not that I didn’t care about it, but my tears just kept flowing out of my eyes even if I really wanted to stop so badly. Waving from outside of the tram, he looked so calm and peaceful. Never did I know how he felt, I think he could cover it very well. I watched him fade away as the tram was moving forwards. Frequency synchronization terminated!

***

I know he is still alive, breathing, enjoying his life, reaching his dreams, and living. That is one among other things that I am happy to know about. I know he is there—though, anywhere is possible. I know he may think of me every once in a while if not sometimes. I know I can still see him smiling at me in my head. I know I can still feel the warmth of his body and when his fingers are linked with my fingers. I know I can still remember him as a beautiful and adventurous soul who adds some sparkles into the sky of the universe.

Goodbyes are never pleasant. But there would be no goodbye if there was no meeting. Nonetheless, I will never regret my decision to meet him. It is one of the joys in my life. And feeling him is just… different. I love it.

***

Hey you, yes you. The guy with a hairy face—charming, shiny, joyful, exuberant, and all. I will never forget to remember you, a beautiful soul. We will always be united in this universe. Never did I think to own you. Neither did I ever think to have you. Just be happy in your life. Be a light for anyone lost. Be a shelter for anyone homeless. Be a companion for anyone lonely. Thus, I will know you will never forget me; and I will never forget you.

Ika Septianasari

Batam, 20 November 2013